Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
