I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
