i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
