It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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