on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
