No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
