we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
