We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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