I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
