Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
