So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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