Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
