i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
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