It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
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