I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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