I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
