So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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