Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
