It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
