I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
