Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
