I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
