she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
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