Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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