great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
