the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Randomize
