wrigley field is MILF paradise
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Please don't give away my fajitas
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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