i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
So here I am, sexting at work.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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