she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
