It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
