ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
