i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
