either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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