Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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