yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
