Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
