bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
