Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
