So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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