what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
