i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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