Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
