and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
