I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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