I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
