I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
