I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
