im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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