My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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