he puts the penis in happiness.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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