how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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